But before I get too far into the good stuff, I would like to give a shout-out to my pal Gus whose post partially inspired what you are about to read. (And getting more page views really boosts his self-esteem, so I highly encourage you to go check it out.)
And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.
As cliché as it may sound, college has been a time of tremendous self-discovery. It has taught me things that I never even knew I needed to learn. Even though it's only been one year, and I'm sure that I will gain much more insight over the next three, there are several important life lessons that I've learned during my short time here. These are things I think you should take to heart whether you're just about to enter college or whether your university days are far behind you.
And a lot of these, may I add, are things that my mother has told me again and again my entire life, but I just now realized that she was completely right. As usual.
1. You're Not as Good as You Think You Are
I realize now that I went into college with something of a big ego. This is not going to paint me in a very good light, but I was kind of just used to being the best. (Academically, that is. Hand me a basketball, on the other hand, and you might as well just be giving a chainsaw to a monkey - not only would I not know what to do with it, but somebody would probably end up getting hurt as well.) But that all changed when I got to college. I faced more rejection in my first two semesters in college than I had faced in my entire life. One thing you will quickly learn when you enter college is that you apply for a lot of things. And you will most likely not get most of them. And that's okay. It makes you realize that you are not, in fact, all that and a bag of chips. You're barely even the bag. You will apply for things that you really care about and you will be crushed when you end up being denied. You will write a paragraph about your love of your school-sponsored "First Friday Breakfasts" on your application only to realize after you submit it that it is actually "First Monday Breakfasts" and you will decide to go into the office of the man in charge of the decision-making process and make a fool out of yourself as you try to make the case that you actually do know what day the breakfasts are served, but you just got so caught up in the fantastic alliteration that you momentarily just blacked out while writing the application and therefore deserve to still be fully considered. And you will still be rejected. But the point is to learn from your mistakes. Find out what made you a less-than-ideal candidate and work on improving yourself for next time. If nothing else, it will immensely humble you. Learn to be a gracious loser. (And if you are one of those people who does get everything for which they apply, well then you can just go die in a hole.)
2. You're Better Than You Think You Are
I know, I know. This admittedly seems to contradict the previous statement. Although I think that the first lesson is a very important one to learn, I also believe that just because there is a high likelihood of failure, that does not mean that you should not bother trying. As much as it pains me to use a sports metaphor, Babe Ruth really did know what he was talking about when he said, "Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game." You will often surprise even yourself with how awesome you can be. Don't be afraid to get a little creative when you are applying for something. Even if you're not a singer (especially if you're not a singer), everyone will love it if you perform a parody of Beauty and the Beast's "Be Our Guest" entitled "Let Me In" with full musical accompaniment during your interview. Learn how to make yourself stand out. You will probably end up making a fool out of yourself at times, but at least you'll be a memorable fool. And remember, a little confidence can go a long way. If nothing else, fake it till you make it.
3. Be Spontaneous and Adventurous - Within Reason
Before you ask: No, this does not mean that I'm encouraging you to drink that unidentifiable alcoholic beverage that someone offers you at a party because YOLO. (See #7 for advice on how to handle that particular situation.) What I am trying to get at here is that it's okay to leave your comfort zone - sometimes. You don't need to completely reinvent yourself into some sort of risk-seeking adrenaline junkie, but it's good to branch out every now and again. That's how people grow. Don't be afraid to do something that sounds completely crazy to you. (Again, this advice is very much tempered by #7.) For example, toward the end of my first semester, a girl that I kind of knew (but not super well) randomly invited me to go with her to get ice cream on a Wednesday night. This might seem like a pretty innocuous gesture to the outside observer, but to me, this was not a desirable situation. I really did not try to make a habit of hopping into strangers' cars to go god-knows-where on a weeknight. She was very sociable, clearly boisterous and outgoing (not usually the type of person I gravitate toward), and I was a timid introvert who didn't really have any good excuse to say no except for the obvious, "um, I don't know you and this little trip will severely cut into my Netflix time." So I ended up reluctantly agreeing. We ended up staying at the ice cream place for three hours after realizing that we both had a mutual love of gossip and hatred of people. Long story short, she's now my best friend, for better or for worse. You never know what will happen, or whom you will meet, if you just decide to say "yes" when an opportunity presents itself. Obviously this is a very mild example of the spontaneity you should be seeking (I don't want to say anything too incriminating in case my mother ever sees this), but think of it this way: in ten years, will you fondly look back on the memory of the ill-advised four-hour road trip you took with your BFF to go see a concert the day before finals started, or will you remember the extra few hours you spent studying to boost that B up to a B+?
4. Don't Be (Too) Cynical
And don't be too big for your britches. (The youth of today still use that phrase, right?) Beginning college is a misanthrope's worst nightmare. Part of you just wants to make new friends, and the other (often larger) part sees a sea of binge-drinking, Greek-obsessed trust fund babies who make you want to run away immediately in the other direction. The problem is, if you don't fit in to a particular clique right off the bat, it can be way too easy to just say, "screw it, I don't need these people," and shut everyone out. You don't feel the need to talk to people, because you already "know their type," and you've already deemed them unworthy of your time. This attitude isn't going to help anybody. Try to get to know everyone you meet. Strike up a conversation with the kid sitting next to you. If it doesn't turn out so great, well then, you'll probably never see that person again anyway so who cares. If it does, then maybe you just found a new friend. Yay friends! Now don't get me wrong. I'm in no way telling you that you should go around throwing flowers in the air and riding to class on a unicorn. I relish my cynicism. But just going out of your way and being friendly from time to time can yield nothing but positive results.
5. Be a Suck-Up
Say it with me: professors are your friends. This kind of goes along with the last piece of advice, but with a particular emphasis on those who are not your peers, the higher-ups. In this day and age, networking is everything; you never know who can end up helping you down the line. This is especially true for professors within your field of study, but it can really apply to any member of the faculty, from career services to the housing office. Now, that's not to say that you should get to know these people for the sole purpose of using them for your own benefit down the line, but I'm not one to judge your motives. Try to take as many smaller classes as you can where you can truly interact with your professor. Go to office hours. Also, sit in the front. Sitting in the back just makes you look shifty.
6. Go Out and Get Involved
Join all of the clubs that sound even remotely fun. Freshman year is not the time to start whittling down your interests; it's a time to discover them. It's also a great way to meet people who share the same passions. It's really tempting to not want to commit yourself to too much while in college, but the truth is that the alternative (watching Netflix) isn't really going to benefit you much in the long run. You don't have to stick with everything you join, but pick a couple that really speak to you and devote yourself to them. While you're at it, run for leadership positions. They are great resume padding and if it's legitimate, you will probably end up learning something about what it means to be a leader. Additionally, take advantage of all the lectures and guest speakers that come to your school. College is a place to explore new ideas and get exposed to new points of view, so attend events even if - or especially if - you don't know a lot about the topic or you disagree with the speaker's premise. If nothing else, most of those types of events offer free food. And if you're really lucky, only four people will end up attending an event and one of the speakers will be a no-show so they will cancel it and beg you to take home the gratuitous amount of extra food they have.
7. Be Smart and Make Good Choices
You would be astounded at how fast news travels on a college campus. The gossip mill is alive and well at university. A single incident can very easily tarnish your reputation nearly beyond repair. If something happens in the dorm - say, oh I don't know, engaging in a little too much late-night alcohol consumption to the point that the ambulance needs to be called (a shockingly common occurrence) - you can expect no discretion, even on the RA's part. Names will be named, and a full rundown of events will be given to any inquisitive passerby...who will then share it will all their friends. Look, if you're smart enough to get in to college, then you are smart enough to know that you should not get yourself into these types of situations. Surround yourself with people who won't pressure you into doing something stupid. And if you decide to do it anyway, then at least make sure you won't get caught. People of all ages can make bad decisions; it just so happens that there are seemingly innumerable opportunities to do so in college. You should have fun; just make sure that if you decide to do something risky, you're prepared to live with the consequences. And while we're on the subject, I feel like this is probably as good a time as any to reiterate why you're actually in college: to get an education. Not to party, and not to make friends. Please remember to study. If you make academics a priority from the get-go, then you won't have to cram and you'll have free time to make all those bad decisions.
8. Find What Motivates You
College is a time to discover yourself. Find out what makes you tick, what you're passionate about. Do some soul-searching. Take classes in a variety of different subjects. If your school offers things like StrengthsQuest, absolutely take advantage of it. It is so important to discover your strengths and interests early because you will save yourself a lot of time and energy down the road when you discover that you are not in the career that you should be in. The old adage holds true: do what you love and you'll never work a day. But I can't be that person who tells you to pursue your passion no matter what. You have to weigh your interests against your values and goals. If your true love is underwater basket weaving but you intend on making a lot of money in your career and living in a landlocked area, well then some compromises will have to be made. College is a busy period in your life, but it is important to carve out a little time for introspection. It will definitely pay off in the end.
9. Take Pictures
If you're anything like me and have the memory of a goldfish, then you will be so glad about the gratuitous amount of picture-taking that you did during this time in your life. In my opinion, it's more likely that you will regret not taking enough pictures rather than taking too many. And let's be honest, reminiscing is half the fun.
10. Never Look Back
Going through college with a bunch of regret is a surefire way to hate the next four years of your life. I did not end up going to my first-choice college. And I spent a good part of my first semester wondering if I made the right choice. I look back now and realize what a waste of time that was. Instead of making the best of the circumstances I was in, I just kept wondering "what if," and it made me miserable. The moment I decided to just forge ahead and stop having regrets, I became so much happier. So for everything that doesn't go as planned in your life, and there will be many, don't look back with wistful remorse of what could have been; instead, be grateful for the experience and try to learn something from it.
BONUS ADVICE!
On the Topic of Friendships and Relationships...
I really wanted there to be a nice round number of life lessons, but I feel like this needed to be addressed, so I am including it as an addendum. The opportunities for socialization in college are endless. This is both a gift and a curse. There will be a revolving door of people who enter and exit your life. You have to learn how to hang on to the good ones and let go of the others. Surround yourself with people who support you, who inspire you, who challenge you. There will be so many people that you meet who you think, "man, this person is awesome, I totally want to be their friend!" But making and keeping friends takes effort, and the simple fact is that you need to choose your companions judiciously. You can't be friends with everyone, and you don't need to hold on to every friend you make. As for your old friends, you should definitely keep in contact with the ones who are closest to you, but don't let them tether you down. And remember, people change a lot from their high school selves once they enter college. Your best friends that you've known for years may transform into people you barely recognize. That's okay. Growing apart is often part of growing up.
Now, the matter of relationships. I'm just going to give you some fair warning: They. Are. Everywhere. I was never someone who even considered dating in high school. Some of my friends had significant others, but it was never really a big deal. College is a whole other ballgame. Everyone is on the prowl. Maybe there's something in the water supply, but seemingly everyone on campus is thirsty. Here's my advice to you: don't do anything that you don't want to do. If you don't want to date, then don't date. If you don't want to take part in the "hookup culture," then don't feel pressured to take part in it. I wouldn't personally advise seeking a significant other during your freshman year because I think it's an important time to learn about yourself as an individual instead of as part of a couple, but if you really find a special someone, then go for it. Who am I to be Debby Downer on budding young love? But whatever happens, don't complain about not being able to find someone. Don't determine your self-worth by the validation of others. And certainly don't set deadlines for yourself when it comes to your relationships ("I want to be engaged by the time I graduate"). You're just setting yourself up for failure. Bottom line: Relationships are tricky. Don't be afraid to just enjoy your freedom.
In the end, college is all about trying new things and becoming an adult. You won't believe how much you will change during every year of your college experience. It's certainly an exciting time. Remember to make the most of it.
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